Jacken’s Blog

If I don’t have enough work, I can’t sleep. If I have too much work, I get stressed and my stomach goes up the fritz. And when the stomach acts up, I get reflux on my vocal cords, and consequently get laryngospasm. And when i get that, I’m afraid to sleep because there’s nothing like waking up, not being able to breath to make you NOT wanting to go to sleep. And when I don’t get my sleep, I transmogrify into Mr Grumpy. I Get totally depressed and stuff. So when that hits me, my depression starts to affect my work, which in turn feeds back to the problem. infinite loop anyone? The last year or so I’ve been on “happy” pills, but stopped using them after my vacation, feeling great. But after just two months of stressful work, I’m thinking of going back on them. And that feels like a defeat.
My doctors recommend me to change occupation, but lets face it, i’ve been doing this since I was 16 years old and I’m almost 40 now. And I love my work, but I don’t like always being late because of never knowing how big a job is coming up. I would like to work at one place, being able to finish something. Working as an consultant who is always on the clock makes it a bit stressed. And it’s not always easy to convince the customer that they need stuff installed. But sometimes I just feel that I need to finish something, so while I write this I’m compiling a virus checker and spamfilter for a customers mailserver. For free…

My dreamjob would probably be a company with mostly macs and Mac OSX servers and to manage all the machines inhouse. But to find such a company in Sweden is difficult. If you know someone, please drop me a message. Right now I’m even prepared to move if need be.